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Several Types of `Uquq (2/2)



4 –  Preferring  the  wife  to the  mother  and  father  is also  a part    of    ‘Uquq,   And   this    evil    practice    has    become widespread  in the present  time.  If preferring  voluntary  acts of worship  to the mother  or father  earns  one  punishment, as demonstrated  by the story of Juraij  who continued  in his voluntary  prayer  even  though  his mother  called  him,  then what  about  what  is less  important? ‘Uquq  becomes   even Worse in the case where one prefers  his undutiful  wife who tries her best to turn her husband  away  from his father  and mother,  so  that  he  is  hers  alone!   Such type of women would be outraged  if her  husband’s   mother  or father had to live with  them and causes  many problems  for her husband; trying  to forbid him from being  dutiful  to his parents.  This is one of the worst types of ‘Uquq there is.

5 –  Refraining   from  visiting  the  parents   often  and  from keeping  regular  contact  with them are also types  of  ‘Uquq. Al-Bukhari  and Muslim  narrated  that Abu Hurairah  (may Allah be pleased with him)  said that the Messenger  of Allah (Peace be upon him)  said: “After Allah   completed    the   creation,   the   Raham (kinship)  stood  up and declared,  ‘This  is the stand  of she  who is  seeking  refuge   with   You   from   being severed.’   Allah  said,  ‘Does  it please  you  that  I keep ties  to  he  who  keeps  your  ties   and  sever  he  who severs  your  ties?’   She said, ‘Yes,   O   Lord!’   Allah said, ‘You have that. “,

Abu Hurairah then said, “Read  if you will:

Would you then, if you were given the authority,  do mischief  in the land, and sever your ties of kinship?” (Surah Muhammad, 47:22)

The  Companions   knew  the significance   of keeping  ties of kinship,   as  the  Hadith   emphasized,   and  strived  hard  to preserve  these ties, especially  with parents.

Abu  Hurairah (may Allah be pleased with him), for instance,  lived  in a house  next to  his  mother   and  would  stand  at  her  door  whenever   he went out and say:

“Peace be unto you, my mother, and Allah’s mercy and blessings.” She would reply, “Peace be unto you and Allah’s mercy and blessings.”  Abu Hurairah  (may Allah be pleased with him) would  say, “May  Allah grant you His Mercy  for raising  me when I was young,”  and she would  reply, “May Allah  grant you His Mercy  for being  dutiful  to me  when  you  grew up.”  He would often repeat this statement when he went in or out. (Reported by Al-Bukhari)

As  we  stated,   it  is  a  type  of   ‘Uquq  to  look  angrily   at parents  when  one  is upset,  or consider  oneself  to be equal or  better   than  his  or  her  parents.   Also,    ‘Uquq  towards parents  includes  children  being  ashamed  of being  called to their fathers, out of arrogance, especially when the children  are in noted  social status and having  wealth,  while their  parents  are poor  or not  socially  elevated.  Refraining from spending  on poor parents,  forcing  them  in some cases to resort  to courts  so that the judge  compels  their  children to spend  on them,  is also a type of  ‘Uquq.

Cursing  parents  is one of the worst types of  ‘Uquq there  is, and   it   includes    one’s    cursing   other   people’s    parents, thereby  prompting   them  to retaliate  by  cursing  his  or her parents.  Sometimes,  people  retaliate  by cursing  the parents of those  who  transgress  against  them  by beating,  abusing or backbiting.   Satan  erects  a trap  for one  in this  case  and lures  him  to  resort  to  cursing   other  people’s    parents   in retaliation  for the injustice  he suffered,  and one easily falls into  this  trap.  One’s   wishing   that  his  father   or  mother would die so that he could inherit their money,  or to get rid of their  burden  if they  were  poor,  or to “break  free”  from parents   who  are  vigorous   in  rearing   their   children   and directing  them  to righteousness,   is also types  of  ‘Uquq. It is as if these children consider their parents a disease of a sort that they need to get rid of. We ask Allah  to grant  us the  best  conduct,   purify  our  hearts   and  guide  us  to  the Straight  Path.

There  are  several  Ayat in the  Qur’an   that  command   Birr towards parents together,   and   several   other   Ayat  that command  Birr towards  the mother  or the father,  indicating Islam’s  great care concerning  fulfilling the rights of parents and preserving  their honor. For instance, Allah said:

And  We  have  enjoined  on  man  (to  be  dutiful  and good) to his parents. His mother bore him in weakness and hardship upon weakness and hardship, and his weaning is in two years – give thanks to Me and to your   parents. Unto Me is the   final destination.” (Surah Luqmqn, 31:14)

The mother  carries  her  child  for nine  months  in weakness upon  weakness  until  she  gives  birth,  forgetting  her  pains when  she sees her child besides her after she delivers it. She sees the delight  of life in her child  and dedicates  herself  to his service,  feeding,  protecting,  clothing,  cleaning,  until the weaning  ends in two years. The mother keeps taking care of her child from the time he or she walks until the end of her life. This is why Allah mentioned the mother first before the father with regard to obedience. Also there are several Ahadith on this subject, as follows:

Abu Hurairah (may Allah be pleased with him) said:

 “A man came to the Messenger of Allah (Peace be upon him) and asked him, ‘O Allah’s Messenger! Who among people deserves that I be most dutiful to?’ He said, ‘You mother.’ He asked, ‘Then?’ The Messenger (Peace be upon him) said, ‘Your mother.’  He asked, ‘Then?’   The Messenger (Peace be upon him) said, ‘Your mother.’  He asked, ‘Then.’  The Messenger (Peace be upon him) said, ‘Your father.'”  (Reported by Al-Bukhari)

This Hadith  clearly indicates that the mother’s  share of one’s kindness,  service, obedience and Birr, as small compensation for her care and efforts, as being three times what the father deserves. The father also has a share, one- fourth as compared to the three-fourths  the mother  has, because  he spends  and rears his children, as well as, being the head of the house and the leader of the family. Ibn Battal said:

“The mother suffers three types of hardships that the father does not, the hardship of pregnancy, delivering and nursing.”

There   is  a  great  wisdom   in  preferring   the  rights  of  the mother,  in addition  to compensating   her  for the hardships she suffers , for the mother needs to be taken care of since she is less able than man to earn her living. Therefore, who has more duty to be dutiful, serve and obey her than her own children? Al-Hasan Al-Basri said:

“The father’s right is greater, while Birr towards the mother is more obligatory.”

To further emphasize the significance our Salaf placed on being dutiful to the parents, especially to the mother we should mention that ‘Ali bin Al-Husain bin ‘Ali was once asked:

“Among people, you have the most Birr towards your mother, but we do not see you eat with her? He said, “I fear that she looks at the food and desires a part of it that my hand unwillingly takes before her, I fear I might commit ‘Uquq in this case.” [1].

This answer came from a descendant of the prophet (Peace be upon him) who was raised to feel Birr in his heart not by his words only. He knows the tremendous rights his mother had on him and reached such an exalted level in his Birr towards her that he would know what his mother thinks of and what she desires even before she speaks.

6 – Birr is necessary to forward the Father:

If One’s father becomes ill, would he or she abandon sleep and tend to the ill father, just as the father would do when his child falls ill? If the father is late coming from work would his children worry about him as he does if they are late? On the contrary, many children show little care towards their fathers and commit errors against them, but fathers forget and forgive; and if a father invoked Allah against  his offspring  by his tongue,  his heart  would  surely follow  it  by  invoking   Allah  not  to  accept  his  invocation against  his offspring.

Therefore,  we present  this reminder  and advice  to all those who  have  wisdom  and sound comprehension: think  about a  person,  who  for twenty  or more  years was attending  to your needs, hunger, thirst, illness, happiness, comfort and pleasure.  If you become thirsty, he gives you something to drink; if you become ill, he brings you medicine; if you become sad, he strives to make you happy; and if you laugh, he feels happy for you. If you stand, he looks at you with eyes of pleasure, and he invokes Allah for you often. How can you ever compensate this man, your father, for the   tremendous   service,   care,   kindness,   mercy   and affection that he gladly gave you?  How can you be perfectly appreciative towards he who forsakes his own comfort and well-being for your sake, who grieves if you were ever hurt or even discomforted in any way? Ibrahim bin Dahah wrote to his father, “May Allah make me sacrifice myself for your sake.” His father wrote back, “Do not say this, for you will be more patient for my day than I for yours,” meaning, “You will be more patient the day I die than I will be the day you die. My death win make you feel sad, but this sadness will fade away by the passage of time. However, your death will wound my heart, and the heart’s wound never heals.”

[1] Al-Birr was-Silah, p. 82


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