Salaam, I’m a sixteen years old girl and I’m seeking help regarding my family. Growing up, my brother and mother have beaten me for using social media or for minor mistakes. This has caused me to have depression. My father had left the house three times throughout my childhood, further increasing my depression as well as my mother constantly making hurtful comments regarding my appearance, my personality, etc. In order to make them and Allāh happy, Ive distances myself from ‘bad’ people in my school in order to become a better person and as a result have a become a ‘loner’. Because of this, I now have severe anxiety which I have told my parents about but they choose to ignore and blame it on me being dramatics. My father who has returned multiple times and Alhamdullilah is now back, is a scary person in my eyes as when he gets angry he becomes physical and he’s just like my mother and brother though he hasn’t raised his hand on me yet. I admit shamefully that I attempted suicide and when I told my parents about my suicidal thoughts, depression, anxiety and insecurites in an attempt to gain some affection of sorts they ignored me, moreso my father used reverse psychology to blame my problems on me and I am usually blamed for all the family problems. Daily I am shouted at for minor things and I cry myself to sleep every night hating myself. I have two little sisters that are treated well Alhamdullilah but I don’t want them to be affected by all of this. My question is that my gcse results are coming and I’m afraid that if my results aren’t A or B’s then they’ll kick me out of the house as they’re already tried to before because of another past matter. I’m honestly terrified and I believe and trust in Allah to guide them and help me but I find the fear overwhelming and I don’t know what to do. InshaAllah you can help me. JazakAllah.
Answer:
All perfect praise be to Allah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allah, and that Muhammad, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, is His slave and Messenger.
If what you mentioned is true that some members of your family, including your parents, are harsh with you and mistreat you, then this is a strange behavior from them, because in general the parents are compassionate and loving towards their daughters and treat them kindly.
We ask Allah to relieve your distress and sorrow, and make a way out to you from every difficulty and hardship.
We advise you to supplicate as much as possible, as our Lord answers the supplication of a person in distress and removes their hardships. Allah Says in his Book (what means): {Is He [not best] who responds to the desperate one when he calls upon Him and removes evil and makes you inheritors of the earth? Is there a deity with Allah? Little do you remember.} [Quran 27:62]
Secondly, you should be patient, as patience is the key to all goodness, and its outcome is good. With patience, Allah makes every difficulty easy, and Allah, The Lord of the Worlds, will save you from every evil, including suicide. Suicide moves a person from misery to a greater misery; it is a disease and not a cure.
For more benefit on the virtues of patience, please refer to Fatwa 83577.
Thirdly, observe the Athkaar (mention of Allah), as Allah is with the Slave as long as the Slave mentions Him.
Allah Says (what means): {So remember Me; I will remember you. And be grateful to Me and do not deny Me.} [Quran 2:152]
The Athkaar are a means to repel anxiety and distress and bring about tranquility and comfort to the soul.
Allah Says (what means): {Those who have believed and whose hearts are assured by the remembrance of Allah. Unquestionably, by the remembrance of Allah hearts are assured.} [Quran 13:28]
Fourthly, keep company with righteous girls, as it is hoped that they will help you in goodness, remind you of Allah when you forget, and help you when you remember.
Ibn Abu Ad-Dunya reported in his book “Al-Ikhwaan” that ‘Umar ibn Al-Khattaab, said: “Keep company with truthful brothers and live amongst them, as they are a beautification at times of ease, and a provision at times of tribulation.”
Fifthly, Use some people, whom you think they will listen to, as mediators between you and your family to try to reconcile between you and them. Allah may bring some goodness, thanks to them, as some Slaves of Allah are keys for goodness and preventers of evil.
Sixthly, getting married to a righteous man could be a way out of your difficulties. Therefore, seek the help of your female friends and Muslims in general, as you may find a believing husband who would make you happy, and live happily with him, and who would help you in the rest of your life.
Seventhly, if you feel that you need to see a psychiatrist, then look for a trustworthy one who may help you get rid of anxiety and distress.
Finally, we wish you success and excellence in your studies, and that you will not get bad grades. In any case, it is not permissible for your family to kick you out of the house or to mistreat you.
Allah knows best.