Thirty ideas to a happy family[1]
The first idea: (dreams session).
Give a teenager a chance to narrate all his dreams and ideas and express what is going on in his mind without feeling that he shall be punished for that. This helps the removal of hatred, escaping his parents’ blame, and help him to get rid of introversion.
Result:
The confidence of a teenager in those around him increases, especially his parents, creating a reference to him, and makes him think before making any decision.
Second idea: (playing hour).
Give a teenager an additional time to empty his energies in sports; such as: Football, swimming, walking, or suchlike, as these reduce the illusions which always accompany him.
You should pay attention not to ask him too much:
(Where have you been? Where are you coming from? Why are you late?). However, put these questions in informative form such as: We missed you and you are late. We wish you went with us. We have just spoken about it.
Result:
It helps in changing the pattern of thinking and getting rid of energies that cause imaginations and negative thinking.
Third idea: (You are a leader).
Giving a teenager an opportunity to lead something (that does not cause any trouble in case he misses), and he will be in charge before his parents, and he is asked to behave alone and in the way he finds suitable.
Result:
It is an opportunity for him to prove his new personality and make him feel that he moved from the childhood to manhood, and he is capable of handling his own matters.
Fourth idea: (Special corridor).
Prevent the entry of children and only allow the entry of adults.
It is desirable for the father to befriend his son and a mother to her daughter in adulthood until children pass this critical stage which may change the course of their lives.
During this stage, he should be given more responsibilities more than ever, specially before his younger brethren to increase his respect in the eyes of his older brethren.
So, O father, make special corridor for your adult child, and special codes only understandable to a teenager and indicate love in between.
Fifth idea: (an eye for him and on him).
Do not focus too much on what he does and says but put one of your eyes on him and the second for him.
Let him feel you love him, follow-up to support him in goodness, and watch him to protect him from evil.
Sixth idea: (Watching a program).
Listening to scholars, specialists, and callers concerning the provisions of marriage, etiquette, and marital rights.
Each party should recognize his rights and duties by watching TV, broadcast, or on the Internet, and make sure of the source of these information and their conformity to the Qur’an and the Sunnah.
Seventh idea: (read a book).
There should be a family meeting to read a book about the rights and duties of spouses, which help each spouse to do his assigned role, so you can read from Sahih Al Bukhari, chapter on marriage or the book of a message to newly married.
Eighth idea: (Tell me what my duty is).
Each spouse writes the obligations which the other party should do, and everyday a husband must fulfill this duty so that the other party would get his rights as a result of the duties done to him.
Ninth idea: (participation in scientific sessions).
It is wonderful that both spouses attend scientific or training courses on marital relationships so that they know the duties and rights and mechanisms of implementing them from a neutral person who would help the development of marital life.
Tenth idea: (Do not play the role of a mufti).
Many family problems take place when one of the spouses assigns himself a mufti. It is wonderful for spouses to sit together to solve their problems and put solutions to them. “And if you differ in anything amongst yourselves, refer it to Allâh and His Messenger (peace be upon him) if you believe in Allâh and in the Last Day. That is better and more suitable for final determination.” [Surat An-Nisa’: 59].
Eleventh idea: (Sleep in the bed).
From time to time, parents, specially the mother, sleeps in her child’s bed which enhances the love of a child to his room and bed, as this makes them feel the closeness of their parents and makes it easy to acquire their qualities easily as a result of that feeling.
Result:
The confidence of a child is enhanced in those around him, especially his parents, creates a reference to him, and makes him think before making any decision.
Twelfth idea: (you are the father).
Giving the child the opportunity and time for the reincarnation of a father’s personality and a girl to her mother’s personality.
Parents play the role of a child and the adult is in charge which generates a feeling of responsibility and leadership, and it will be easy for the parents to control and guide his behavior and rear him well.
Thirteenth idea: (Form a team).
Make your child feel that you evoke his skills and talents through his ability to form a team of his friends, a football team, and scouts team, and likewise the girl, each according to the sports that suit him or her.
Ask him to check out the qualities that made him choose his friends. Reinforce positive points in his choice and approve his choices by saying: So and so is diligent, so and so is powerful because he eats such and such, Maha talks nicely and she is beautiful. Warn him against the negative points of the personalities he chose, and exhort your child to affect them positively.
Fourteenth idea: (Write a story, sing a song).
Give your child a chance to talk about a story in his mind even if it is funny or needs information or words, for this enhances his self-confidence.
Fifteenth idea: (Teach him love).
Some husbands punish their wives by depriving his children of visiting their grandfather’s house! This reflects a negative image to the child from his father, and causes a child to be introverted and hate many things which he should love and desire.
A child must learn love from an early age by giving, playing, and helping everyone.
Sixteenth idea: (Gift).
It helps to remove hatred and sadness.
The other party realizes that gift (even if it is small) is a notice of apology or expands the love between them.
Seventeenth idea: (Message).
It is beautiful that a mobile phone rings showing a message from your mate telling you one phrase “I love you,” and the other mate sends a message says: “I love you too.”
Eighteenth idea: (Visit).
A visit to the wife’s family or the husband’s family without prior notice will be very nice, as the most pleasant thing to the wife is to visit her family.
Nineteenth idea: (Golden pillow).
A pillow for spouses to place their heads on and look at the ceiling of the room which they prepared for recalling the moments of love, beautiful memories, and emotional words.
This pleases the wife and makes her estimate her husband highly then she endeavors to do something equivalent to that golden pillow.
Twentieth idea: (Door of words).
Bring two different pens and each spouse chooses one and write on the door of bedroom. The first to wake up writes a word on the door when he leaves to find a reply when he comes back such as: “I love you.” And the answer will be “I love you more.” When a misunderstanding takes place, they watch the door, and remember their love.
Twenty-first idea: (love key).
Understanding and agreement on private words contribute in producing the words of love, yearning, and affection, and help to remove hatred and sadness.
Spouses should realize that such words are a notice for openness and amusement.
So, when these words are said during joy, it is a session for amusement, and when they are mentioned during disagreement, they are for openness.
Twenty-second idea: (A cup of coffee).
A husband makes a cup of coffee to break the routine of marriage, where a wife is accustomed to make coffee and invite the husband to sit down.
Delivering a message of love to the wife and making a surprise for her express the feelings of the husband toward his wife.
Changing the life routine by changing the sitting places inside the house for drinking a cup of coffee; and it is important not to invite someone with them.
Twenty-third idea: (sea breeze and dew).
Hiking in a quiet atmosphere on the beach or in a garden during which spouses only mention good words and beautiful memories.
This meeting should be held almost every month, not interrupted by eating or drinking, but only words and feelings.
Twenty-fourth idea: (No Entry).
Filtering words that do not suit the manhood of the husband and the femininity of the wife or the words that generally violate the happy family life.
As “no entry” sign is written in streets and at the doors of private rooms, such phrases should be written on the heart to stop the bad words that do not please the heart from entry.
Twenty-fifth idea: (Eye language).
Do not make the tongue tired of talking too much, but give a chance to eye language instead.
Make this meeting full of calmness and tranquility, full of looks and gestures to express what is in the heart.
Twenty-sixth idea: (you are a hero).
It is important for a child to get affected by a good example and an influential figure in a particular area to build his personality and independent identity so that he would dream of being that hero.
Method:
Ask your child to choose the character that influenced him through the stories that you narrate to him or he hears from others. Make him mention the qualities that led him to this choice, then call him from time to time with the name of that hero to make him feel he is the hero.
Twenty-seventh idea: (Secret keeper).
Give the child a chance to save the secret of his parents (of course a secret suits his age and does not affect the family) to enhance his personality.
Twenty-eighth idea: (Sum up what you have seen).
Make your child feel you care for the programs he watches such as cartoons and suchlike, guide him to what is better, and from time to time listen to his view about the program he watches and urge him to give a summary on the program. Then ask him to distinguish between those views, and which is better, and why?
Twenty-ninth idea: (invent your own game).
Times pass while children think of a game from their own then they become the only winner in that game, where they created it and established its rules.
From that point, the young inventor develops his ideas and skills. Make your child tell you about these ideas. Write down his ideas, for he might invent a game or contribute in developing a game in the future when he finds his ideas grow.
Thirteenth idea: (Secret of success).
Teach your child that the secret of success is cooperation and solidarity, and give him a practical experiment to that by asking him to carry something heavy or to do something in which he needs someone to help him to enhance the love of cooperation and intimacy, and make him get rid of selfishness from a young age.
[1] These ideas were developed from experience and expertise, and part of them may suit some people.