Often times, her actions have nothing to do with honor or heinous crimes. However, you find that some men use divorce as a form of punishment for the wife.
Thank God; May peace and blessings be upon the Messenger of God. And after:
We often hear on social media and elsewhere that so-and-so divorced so-and-so because she did such-and-such. Often times, her actions have nothing to do with honor or heinous crimes, yet you find that some men use divorce as a form of punishment for the wife. They do not take into account that this divorce means the destruction of a family, the displacement of children, the loss of ten years, a lot of money spent in marriage, and memories and long times that have passed, both good and bad. Is it because the wife made a mistake in something that her husband throws an oath of divorce against her? Is divorce used as a whip with which to beat the wife? It is actually a whip, but it does not hit the wife alone, but rather hits all members of the family, including the husband. The consequences of divorce affect him in the long run more than they affect the wife. He must pay the deferred dowry to her as stipulated in the marriage contract. He will also be forced to return to single life, even if for a while, and take care of the children alone and incur their troubles, or send them to their mother and pay them monthly expenses, thus losing their closeness and care and bearing their expenses despite this. He neither earned his money nor enjoyed the closeness of his children. Later, he may see that he needs a wife, so he will bear the costs of a second marriage, with all the expenses and expenses it entails, which may cause him to lose the bulk of his money. He may then find that the new wife is worse off than the first, and treats his children harshly, or is of bad character, foul-mouthed, lazy, immoral, or devoid of morals and ethics, or mistreats his parents, or other things that we see happen sometimes. Perhaps he will discover later that she married him only out of greed for his money and does not love him. Every marriage is an adventure to some extent. Even those who have spent a period of engagement get to know each other’s character, as experience has shown that there are things that do not appear until after marriage. This is evidenced by time and the fluctuations in people’s circumstances. Therefore, every proposer, male or female, to marry must seek Istikharah a lot, as only God knows the unseen and what will come after that marriage. How many people looked good before marriage, but then misfortunes occurred afterward, leading to problems and divorce.
Marriage is a strong legal bond that unites spouses and shares them together In it Life in its smallest details, which is half of religion. God Almighty said: {(And among His signs is that He created for you mates from among yourselves that you may find tranquility in them, and He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed, in that are signs for a people. They think)} [1]. And he, may God bless him and grant him peace, said: ( «Whoever God has blessed with a righteous woman, He has helped him with half of his religion, so let him fear God with the remaining half.» )[2]. The husband simply ending this relationship just because of a problem, a word, or a mistake, even if it was a big one, is not praiseworthy. Because its consequences do not fall on the wife alone, but rather on the entire family. God Almighty did not give the man guardianship until he knew that he would be more patient in ending that relationship. Some of them exploiting this position of authority and throwing oaths at the wife to humiliate her or harm her is neither manly nor wise and rational, and the Prophet, may God bless him and grant him peace, did not do it or encourage it., On the contrary, it made divorce the most hated of what is permissible. He, may God bless him and grant him peace, said: ( «The most hateful thing permissible to God is divorce» )[3]. And the Almighty said: ( {Men are in charge of women because God has favored some of them over others and what they spend of their wealth} {} )[4]. Despite all this, you find this act occurring repeatedly in Muslim homes. Which increased the rate of divorces, the loss of children, and the separation of families. Divorce is the destruction of an edifice that has been built and built with great effort, and therefore no one should resort to it except when there is no other solution, and using it as a form of punishment is unwise and immature behavior. Children are the first to be harmed by it. Because they will suffer the bitterness of separation and distance from one or both parents, and they may be forced to live with a stepmother or stepfather. In all of these cases, there are many problems that they may be exposed to, such as injustice, neglect, physical and psychological violence, and perhaps – in rare cases – sexual harassment. This is not the trouble that the husband will face because he is forced to spend on two homes instead of one, especially if he has children from his second wife in addition to his children from the first.
Despite all this, we find a small number of people using the word divorce in the wrong place, such as swearing by it, such as when they say, “I must divorce,” and this in itself may be a type of polytheism. He, may God bless him and grant him peace, said: ( «Whoever swears by other than God has committed polytheism» )[5]. Some of them use it to joke, create content, threaten, play, or other things. All of this is contrary to Sharia law and constitutes transgression and disdain for marital life and the bond that God has made a strong covenant. God Almighty said: ( {How can you take it, when some of you have given it to one another, and they have taken from you a solemn covenant?} )[6]. And ine Manipulating the lives and destinies of the children and wife. This is not a place for frivolity or joking, and it involves unacceptable indifference and disdain for people’s daughters. If the fiancée’s family knew that the suitor had this bad habit of swearing divorce on every major or minor issue and manipulating him, they would not have given him their daughter in the first place, because he is neither responsible nor qualified to be a husband to their daughter or a father to young children who need their parents with her.
There is no doubt that there are many mistakes that may occur by one or both spouses, but many of them can be treated in different ways. Many of them also have good reasons. Some of them may be the result of the husband’s neglect of his wife’s rights, his injustice towards her, his lack of justice between his wives, his poor treatment, his neglect of her, his failure to give her her legal rights and his lack of chastity, or a defect in the husband such as miserliness, nervousness, laziness, violence, etc. All of this contradicts Sharia law, as God Almighty has guaranteed women their marital rights of kindness and good treatment. Her rights also include “financial rights, namely the dowry, alimony, and housing, and non-financial rights, such as justice in the division between wives, good cohabitation, and not harming the wife.”[7]. The problems may be the result of the wife’s neglect of her husband’s rights, such as disobedience and good treatment, abandonment in bed, extravagance of his money, bringing someone into his home whom he does not approve of, and so on. Then the wife should be advised and guided by preaching about the great sin of the one who does not fulfill her husband’s rights. She may be ignorant, forgetful, or inattentive, and advice would benefit her. She may be young and needs patience and education, and she may be influenced by bad friends, so she can be advised to stay away from them and threatened that her actions may lead her to major problems such as divorce.
If the wife makes a grave mistake and does not listen to advice, she can be punished in wiser ways that are closer to Sharia. God Almighty has mentioned some types of ways, where He said: (And those whose disobedience you fear, admonish them, and leave them in beds, and beat them. But if they obey you, do not wrong them. way. Indeed, Allah is Most High, Great.)[8]. Whoever understands the nature of a woman will find that this is a punishment that produces results for her, as she does not like abandonment and rejection by her husband, and she feels oppressed when he does that to her. If that does not work, God Almighty mentions hitting, which should not be severe and should not be in the face. This also includes oppression and abuse towards her, and it may bring with it reform and retreat from injustice. And other rational solutions, such as depriving her of something she loves, preventing her from going out for a period, or other reasonable and non-unfair methods of punishment, and it is hoped that they will be effective in reconciliation, and not just to harm the wife. andHumiliating her. All of this works to preserve the family and strengthen its cohesion within the framework of marriage while correcting the defect. The husband should try what God Almighty mentioned before he makes solutions of his own that will only bring ruin, loss, and the demolition of homes. How many men have divorced their wife in an hour of anger, then regretted it and sat blaming themselves. Perhaps he tried to take her back, but she refused, even though she was satisfied with her life with him, through its good and bad, despite his moral and ethical defects, and despite his circumstances of poverty, illness, travel, and other things. But as soon as he broke her and humiliated her with the divorce, she refused to return to him. Perhaps she left the children to him with their worries and troubles. He no longer knew whether to go to work or to sit with them and guard them. Perhaps he married another woman and they did not adapt to her, or she humiliated and oppressed them. He regrets it and tries to get his first wife back again, but he finds that she married someone who is more noble than him, knows her value, treats her well, and is patient with her humiliations. Who among humans does not make mistakes? The Messenger, may God’s prayers and peace be upon him, explained that women were created from a crooked rib, and that trying to straighten it breaks it. Therefore, he did not tell them to straighten this rib, but rather he said: “Be kind to her, be kind to her, be patient with her, and treat her with care, protection, patience, kindness, compassion, and good treatment.” He was the best of people towards his family, and he respected his women, and threatened them with divorce even when he was angry, even though some of them were old, widowed, and divorced. He, may God’s prayers and peace be upon him, said: (Take care of women, for a woman was created from a rib, and the crookedest part of the rib is at the top. If you try to straighten it, you will break it, and if you leave it, it will remain crooked, so treat women with kindness.)[9]. If a woman makes a mistake, she does not usually commit violent acts as men do, and many of her mistakes are the result of jealousy over her husband. That is, because she loves him and is jealous of him. Some of her mistakes come from weakness, misbehavior, or ignorance. Missteps should not be met with this punishment, but rather with guidance, a kind word, advice and guidance first. If that does not work, then isolation and abandonment. If it does not help, threatening to marry her, divorcing her, cutting off her maintenance, or withholding her children from her, and if that does not work, then trying other things, such as talking to her father or mediating a relative. Divorce should not be resorted to except after attempts to amend it for a period of time that is not short, such as a year or so. If the husband concludes that this wife cannot be reformed after trying his best, then he must seek God’s advice, think carefully, consult righteous and pious people, and think about the future of his children and how he will manage their affairs. If his istikharah guides him to proceed with divorce after thinking about it, then he should speak to his wife gently and separate from her in a kind and gentle manner, and give her her full rights, and if it were more, it would be better for him. He should continue to ask her about his children and spend on them and take care of them. All of these steps should happen first before screaming and throwing divorce during a passing quarrel. It is not permissible for him to eat the deferred dowry if it was stipulated in the marriage contract, unless she forgives him for it. God Almighty said: {(If he pleases you for any of it, then eat it happily and happily.)} [10]. Sheikh Bin Baz – may God have mercy on him – said in it: “If the husband is divorced, he is obligated to perform it unless a rational woman allows that and exempts him from that, in which case there is no problem.”[11]. After she spent her youth and the most beautiful years of her life doing his duty, and her body became flabby carrying his children, and her hair showed gray hair and the fatigue of years appeared on her face, he simply comes and leaves her recklessly, without any compensation, and leaves her homeless. Therefore, it is better for a Muslim woman to protect herself from falling into that situation and ask her guardian to be careful to include a deferred condition in the marriage contract and not to make it small as long as the law has permitted it for her. This is the least she can do to protect herself from her husband’s neglect and destruction of her life. Although this will not compensate her for the years of her life she lost with him, it will at least help her start building her life again and try to support herself.
In conclusion, I ask God Almighty to improve the condition of the nation and return them from the circulation of this harmful and harmful habit and to return them to the directives of Islam in treating marital problems. If they had done so and waited before embarking on divorce, its rates would have decreased, the family separation and disintegration that has spread among Muslim societies today would have diminished, and they would have saved themselves many costs, screaming, wailing, and people’s unnecessary problems. May God’s blessings and peace be upon our master Muhammad and his family and companions.
Sources and references:
- Koran
- Durar Al-Sunni Encyclopedia for Graduation of Hadiths.
- A wife’s rights over her husband and a husband’s rights over his wife, Islam Question and Answer website, Fatwa No. (10680).
- The ruling on stipulating a deferred dowry upon divorce, Fatwas Noor Ala al-Darb, the official website of Sheikh Bin Baz – may God have mercy on him.
[2] Al-Mundhiri mentioned it in Al-Targheeb wa Al-Tarheeb (3/92) and the summary of his ruling is: Its chain of transmission is authentic, hasan, or something close to them. It was included by Al-Tabarani in “Al-Mu’jam Al-Awsat” (972), Al-Hakim (2681), and Al-Bayhaqi in “Shu’ab Al-Iman” (5487).
[3] Ibn al-Mulqin mentioned it in Khulasat al-Badr al-Munir (2/218) and said its chain of transmission is authentic. It was included by Abu Dawud (2178) and Ibn Majah (2018).
[5] It was authenticated by Ibn al-Mulqin in Al-Badr Al-Munir (9/459). It was included by Ahmad (329), Al-Tahawi in “Explanation of Mushkil Al-Athar” (826), and Al-Tabarani (13/224) (13951) with a slight difference.
[7] A wife’s rights over her husband and a husband’s rights over his wife, Islam Question and Answer website, Fatwa No. (10680).
[11] The ruling on stipulating a deferred dowry upon divorce, Fatwas Noor ‘ala al-Darb, the official website of Sheikh Bin Baz – may God have mercy on him.
