Educational Whispers (14)
Education by example… when you are the book that your children read
Raising children by example is one of the most prominent, easy, and effective means of education available. Rather, it is the shortest and most effective path. Education by good example and wonderful role model.
Be a good role model for your children. Cultivate in them good role models and wonderful role models for them to follow. The most prominent and brightest of them is following the example of the Messenger, may God bless him and grant him peace.
First: Why is education by example the most powerful?
Role model influence:
1. Imitation is human nature
The child, from birth, imitates those around him; He imitates their movements, words, and actions. This instinct makes raising by example natural and easy.
2. Stay away from hypocrisy and contradiction
When you do what you say, you are being honest. When you contradict, you lose credibility.
3. It reaches the heart before the mind
Words reach the ear, but actions reach the heart. The child is influenced by what he sees more than what he hears.
4. Its effect is long lasting
The child may forget your words, but he will never forget a situation in which he saw his father doing good.
A wise man said: “Be before you say, be their role model before you are their teacher.”
Second: The Prophet, may God bless him and grant him peace, is the greatest role model
God Almighty said:Indeed, in the Messenger of God there was a good example for you.﴾[Al-Ahzab: 21].
The Prophet, may God bless him and grant him peace, is the perfect and absolute role model, valid for every time and place.
What do we emulate in raising children?
•He is kind and gentle with the children.
•Justice between the children.
•His dream and patience with their mistakes.
•His humor and fun with them.
•His concern for their feelings.
•Teach it to them gradually.
How do we instill the example of the Prophet, may God bless him and grant him peace, in our children?
•We tell them his stories, may God bless him and grant him peace, in an exciting way.
•We teach them his qualities and morals.
•We encourage them to imitate him in worship and behavior.
•We make his biography a part of our daily lives.
Third: God has revived a nation through it
God Almighty says:It is He who sent among the unlettered people a messenger from among them, reciting to them His verses, purifying them, and teaching them the Book and wisdom.﴾ [Friday: 2].
God sent the Prophet, may God bless him and grant him peace, to an ignorant, divided, and weak nation. He raised her and raised her well.
How did the Prophet, may God bless him and grant him peace, raise his companions?
1. Lead by example first
He did it before he said it. The Companions would see him praying at night until his feet broke, and they would follow his example.
2. With patience and gradualness
The Qur’an was revealed over 23 years. They were not asked to suddenly change everything.
3. With encouragement and motivation
He praised his companions, encouraged them, and prayed for them.
4. With good advice
His words reached hearts; Because it was honest, coming from a pure heart.
What was the result?
His companions conquered the world and ruled it by good example and virtuous morals.
The Companions of the Prophet, may God bless him and grant him peace, conquered Persia, the Romans, Egypt, and the Levant. They opened it not only with swords, but with morals. People were converting to Islam in droves because they saw the morals of Muslims.
Fourth: And also with wisdom and good advice
God Almighty said:Invite to the path of your Lord with wisdom and good instruction﴾ [An-Nahl: 125].
What is wisdom in education?
•To put something in its place.
•To speak at the right time.
•To choose the right style for the right person.
What is good advice?
•Kind words that reach the heart.
•Covert advice, not overt advice.
•Guidance with mercy, not cruelty.
Revive in them the imitation of their Prophet. Teach them about his biography, his morals, and his bright and wonderful life.
Fifth: Inculcate among them his Sunnah and his guidance from childhood
A young child is like a sponge, absorbing everything he sees and hears.
What do we instill in them from the Sunnah of the Prophet, may God bless him and grant him peace?
1. Peace
Teach your son to begin by greeting, as it is the Sunnah of the Prophet, may God bless him and grant him peace.
2. Eating with the right hand
Teach him to eat with his right hand, to name God, and to eat from what follows him.
3. Sleeping on the right side
With reading the supplications before going to sleep.
4. The siwak
Encourage him to use the siwak, as it is one of the Sunnahs of the Prophet, may God bless him and grant him peace.
5. Pray for everything
A prayer for leaving the house, a prayer for entering the toilet, a prayer for riding in a car.
How do we plant it?
•By example: Do it in front of them.
•Repeatedly: Remind them of it every day.
•Reward: Reward them when they do it.
•By story: Tell them how the Prophet, may God bless him and grant him peace, used to do it.
Raise them in this way from a young age, as upbringing by example is very important.
Sixth: Beware of destroying good role models in them
This is a very serious point. Many parents, unintentionally, destroy role models in their children.
How do we destroy role models?
1. By mocking the prophets or companions
We seek refuge in God. Some fathers joke about the biographies of the prophets, or criticize some of the companions in an inappropriate manner.
2. By the contradiction between what we know and what we do
We teach them the truth while we lie. We teach them to pray while we leave it. This destroys the role model.
3. By praising bad role models
We praise a punk football player, a licentious actor, or a singer. This implants in the hearts of the children that these are role models.
4. By not offering an alternative
If we criticize a bad role model and do not set a good example, a void remains.
What to do if your child has a bad role model?
•Don’t attack the bad role model directly (this may make him more attached).
•Indirectly praise good role models.
•Give him stories about real great people.
•Talk about the dangers of bad role models in an objective manner.
Beware of destroying good role models in them, or allowing that, so that matters do not interfere with them and the scales are reversed.
Seventh: Let the father be a wonderful example for them
The father is the first role model in a child’s life.
How to be a role model father?
1. In your worship
He sees you praying, so he prays. He sees you reading the Qur’an, so he reads. He sees you praying, so he prays.
2. In your morals
He sees you as being honest, so he is honest. He sees you as trustworthy, so he trusts. He sees you as generous, so he is generous.
3. In your dealings with people
He sees you respecting your wife, and one day he will respect his wife. He sees you upholding your kinship, so He upholds his uterus.
4. In your dealings with him
If you treat him with kindness and love, he will one day treat his children with kindness and love.
Reminder:
Don’t ask your child to do something that you don’t do. Don’t prevent him from doing anything while you are doing it.
He who lacks something does not give it.
Eighth: Likewise, the mother…the caring role model
The mother is the first teacher; From it, the child learns love, kindness, speech, and morals.
How can you be a role model mother?
1. In her hijab and covering
Your daughter sees you and follows you.
2. In her patience and dream
If she sees you being patient with hardships, she will be patient one day.
3. In her generosity and giving
If she sees you giving charity and helping those in need, she will learn to give.
4. In her love of science
If she sees you reading and learning, she will love science.
A good mother raises good daughters and builds a good society.
Ninth: Stories about good role models
The first story: The father who prays dawn
A father used to pray Fajr in the mosque every day. His young son saw him leaving every morning and tried to imitate him. One day, the son woke up early and said to his father: “Dad, take me with you to the mosque.” The son grew up and became one of the imams of the mosque.
A good example produces good children.
The second story: The honest mother
Or was she selling in a small store? A woman came to her and forgot to take the rest of the money. The mother ran after the lady in the intense heat to return the rest to her. Her little daughter saw it. The daughter grew up and became a merchant known for her honesty and sincerity.
You don’t need words. Just do good, and your children will see it.
The third story: The generous neighbor
A man was putting food for his poor neighbor every day without anyone knowing. His little son could see him. The son grew up and was one of the most generous people, giving alms secretly and publicly.
Don’t think that no one sees you. Your children’s eyes are watching you.
Tenth: Applied models of education by example
The first model: honesty
Bad role model: A father lies on the phone in front of his son (“Tell him I’m not there”).
A good role model: The father is honest in every word, even when joking.
The second model: prayer
Bad role model: The father delays or abandons prayer, and orders his son to pray.
A good role model: The father prays on time, and his son prays with him.
The third form: reading
Bad role model: The father never reads, and tells his son, “Read.”
A good role model: The father reads every day, and his son sees it and imitates him.
Fourth model: dealing with the server
Bad role model: Father yells at or insults the servant.
Good role model: The father treats the servant with respect and thanks him for his work.
Fifth model: Using the phone
Bad role model: The father is always on his phone, telling his son, “Don’t use the phone too much.”
Good role model: The father puts the phone away for family time, so the children imitate him.
Eleventh: Common mistakes in upbringing by example
Error | And the correct alternative |
Piety to parents without reason (“For I am your Father”) | Obeying them by example (Obey your parents, and your children will obey you) |
The contradiction between words and deedsError | And the correct oneConformity of words and deeds and honesty in everything |
Neglecting religious role modelsError | And the correct oneReviving the biography of the Prophet and the Companions |
Praise corrupt role modelsError | And the correct oneProvide valid alternatives |
Expect perfection from yourselfError | And the correct oneHumility and admitting mistakes (to teach them how to admit it) |
Twelfth: What do you do if you make a mistake in front of your children?
I am not infallible. You will make a mistake. What matters is how you deal with your mistake.
Mistake: Ignoring your mistake, justifying it, or blaming others.
The correct thing:
1. Admit your mistake
Say: “I made a mistake, son. I’m sorry.”
2. Correct the error
If you hit him unfairly, apologize. If you lied, tell the truth now.
3. Talk about a lesson you learned
“I learned today that anger causes me to make mistakes. I will try to control it.”
4. Do not justify the mistake
Don’t say: “I got angry because you upset me.” This is not an apology, this is a blame.
This situation may be the greatest lesson your son learns from you: how to admit a mistake, how to repent, and how to apologize.
Thirteenth: The conclusion of the whisper
Raising children by example is one of the most prominent, easy and effective means of education available.
•Education by good example and wonderful role model.
•Be a good role model for your children.
•Cultivate in them good role models and wonderful role models for them to follow.
•The most prominent and brightest of them: following the example of the Messenger, may God bless him and grant him peace.
•Through him, God revived a nation, raising it and raising it well.
•His companions conquered the world and ruled it by good example and virtuous morals.
•As well as wisdom and good advice.
•Revive in them the imitation of their Prophet. Teach them his biography, his morals, and his bright and wonderful life.
•Instill his Sunnah and guidance in them from a young age, and raise them accordingly.
•Education by example is very important.
•Do not destroy good role models in them, or allow that.
•So that matters do not interfere with them and the balance is reversed.
•Let the father be a wonderful example to them, as well as the mother.
Last will and testament:
Don’t think that your children don’t see you. They see you every moment. They see how you pray, how you eat, how you speak, how you get angry, how you forgive. You are their first book, so make this book a good read.