Parents and crooks
A lesson from the story of the children of Israel
At first glance, they appear to be verses from Surat Al-Baqarah that talk about the story of the Children of Israel, but if you look deeper, you will discover that you are reading a very precise “operating manual” on how to run a household and raise children.
The three verses (63-65) tell exactly what is happening now in many of our homes.
The Father and the Mountain: Education with Terror:
Imagine a father who runs his household with very strict supervision:
Constant screaming and threats: “If you don’t clean your room now, you will suffer severe punishment!”
Severe punishment: hurtful words, or even severe physical punishment.
Not giving room for dialogue: “I said so and so, and the discussion is over!”
This method is like raising a mountain over the heads of the children of Israel, a tremendous pressure that threatens to crush them.
The visual result deceives parents: the son immediately tidies his room, puts the phone out of his hand, prays at the appointed time.
The method seems to be working! But here the real danger begins…
Absence of the father: the birth of the impostor:
As soon as the father leaves the house, or travels, or even when he goes down to sit in another room: the son immediately returns to the phone, abandons prayer if there is no “guarding.” Commitment disappears completely, why?
The son did not build an internal conviction of the value of cleanliness or prayer.
All he built was: a radar device that detects the father’s presence. When he feels close to you, he acts. When you’re gone, it stops.
You did not build an internal conscience, but only trained an escape from punishment.
This is the meaning of:Then you took over after that﴾ [Al-Baqarah: 64], As soon as the mountain disappeared, the commitment collapsed.
Now comes the very dangerous part…
Legal loophole: malicious compliance:
A child who is afraid of your punishment, but does not believe in the value of what you say, will develop a dangerous strategy: looking for loopholes.
I banned him from the iPad, he will use the TV and say: “You did not ban me from the TV!”
I prevented him from going out in the evening. He would come out of the room window at night.
You asked him not to lie? He will tell half the truth, he will not technically lie directly!
You have turned your child from an honest and wrongdoer (he makes mistakes but confesses) to a cunning fraudster (who applies the apparent meaning of the law and kills his soul).
This is the psychological bridge on which the verses are linked: Fear without conviction creates a professional fraud, not a good boy.
The first solution: the charter instead of the order:
Instead of: “Clean your room because I said so!”, sit down with him and say: “Let’s agree: Why is your room clean? Do you want a place where you can focus on your studies? Or do you want a messy room in which you feel suffocated? A clean room helps you calm down. Are you with me in this agreement?
When the son understands the reason – not just the matter – he becomes a partner in the decision, not just a terrified executor.
This is the Charter: a clear agreement based on understanding.
The second solution: Heavenly Watcher:
Tell your son: “I will not watch you all the time, and I cannot be with you at school and on the street. Honesty is now between you and God. God sees you even if I am not there.”
This moves oversight from a horizontal fear (fear of the Father) to a vertical, heavenly fear (fear of God and His love).
Result:A commitment that continues even when you are in another city. When you travel, your children’s system does not collapse.
The third solution: Mercy in application:
If the son made a mistake and admitted it transparently, make him feel that the house is a safe haven that contains him, not a palace that bombards his mistakes.
Make him know that a mistake is an opportunity to learn, not an opportunity for crushing punishment. Because the frightened son who does not find mercy will resort to fraud and lying to survive, not to confession and correction.
In conclusion: With this approach, you move from:
Exhausting daily management: monitoring, threatening, punishing, monitoring again. Exhausted energy, stressful relationship. A son who lives in constant fear.
To:
Building a sustainable self-system: internal values in your child’s mind. A conscience that monitors itself. A relationship based on trust and love. A committed son, even if you’re not with him.
The Qur’an does not say: “Leave your children without limits.” Rather, it says: “Do not build discipline on fear alone.”
The solution is:
Clarity of values (charter).
A constant reminder of those values.
Mercy in application.
And the day you stop screaming and threatening, you will discover that your son has built within him a compass of values in which he does not need your constant supervision.
Then you will rest, and he will rest. No scammers, no bridges from fear to lies.