I pondered the benefits, meanings, and subject matter of marriage, and saw that the biggest basis for its status was the presence of offspring.
Imam Ibn al-Jawzi said in Sayd al-Khatir:
I pondered the benefits, meanings, and subject matter of marriage, and saw that the biggest basis for its status was the presence of offspring.
Because this animal continues to decompose, then it separates from the decomposing food, then it decomposes from the original parts without leaving anything behind. So if it is not necessary to annihilate, and what is intended is to extend the times of this world, then make the offspring a successor to the original.
And since the form of marriage that honorable souls refuse to expose their private parts and encounter with what is not desirable for themselves, lust urges it to achieve the goal.
Then I saw this original intention followed by something else, which is vomiting this water, which is harmful if it continues to be congested.
The semen separates from the fourth digestion, as it is one of the purest and finest essences of food, then it is combined, and it is one of the relics for the soul, as it stores – for its survival and strength – the blood, then the semen, then it stores the spittle, which is one of the pillars of the body, as if it were out of fear of not having anything else.
If the collection of semen increases, it causes anxiety in the same way that urine disturbs the injector, but it is more disturbing in terms of meaning than it is in terms of urine in terms of form, so its frequent collection and prolonged retention lead to severe illnesses. Because its vapor rises to the brain, causing harm and perhaps causing toxicity.
And when the mood is healthy, then the nature requires the release of semen when it comes together just as it requires the emergence of urine. Some of the moods may be deviant, and its meeting with him decreases, so he rarely asks for it to come out. But we are talking about the correct mood, so I say: I have shown that if it occurs, its retention leads to diseases, renews bad thoughts, and brings passion, obsession, and other ills.
We may find that someone with a healthy temperament comes out of this when he is still unstable, as if he is an insatiable eater.
So I searched for that and saw that it was a defect in the marriage, either because of its bloodiness, ugly appearance, or blemish on it, or because it is not desired by the soul, in which case it comes out of it and some of it remains.
If you want to know what indicates this, measure the amount of semen emitted in the desired location. And in the place that is less than it, such as intercourse between the thighs in addition to intercourse in the place of marriage, and like intercourse with a virgin in addition to intercourse with a cloth.
It was then known that the choice of the one being married seeks out the curiosity of the semen, and thus the soul obtains complete pleasure, due to the perfect emergence of curiosity.
Then this may affect the child as well. If two young men have withheld themselves from marriage for a long period of time, the child will be stronger than the other, or more likely than not, he will be addicted to marriage.
This is why he dislikes marrying relatives, because it is something that restricts the soul from its openness, so a person imagines that he is having sex with someone, and he praised the marriage of strangers for this meaning.
From this art, much of what is intended to be achieved is to repel these harmful preoccupations with a new partner, even if it is ugly in appearance, something that does not usually happen with it.
An example of this is that when a food eater is full of bread and meat and has no leftovers to eat a bite, sweets are presented to him and he eats them. If he were presented with something he liked, he would eat them, because novelty has a strange meaning.
This is because the soul does not incline toward what it is accustomed to, and seeks something other than what it knows, and it imagines a type of desire for it in the new. If she does not find what she wants, she comes across another new thing, as if she knew the existence of a complete goal without any disturbance, and she is imagining it in what she sees.
In this sense, there is buried evidence of the resurrection, because creating his purpose in relation to nothing is a kind of absurdity. Do you understand this?
If the soul sees the faults of what it has encountered in this world, it returns to seeking something new.
That is why the wise men said: Love is blindness to the faults of the beloved, so whoever contemplates his faults will find peace.
Therefore, it is desirable for a woman not to be so far away from her husband that he will make her forget her, nor to be so close to him as to make her bored with him, and it is also desirable for him to do so, lest he bore her or reveal to him the hidden faults of her.
He should not see her private parts, and strive to smell nothing but a good scent from her, in addition to other characteristics that wise women use, for they know this by nature without needing instruction.
As for the ignorant women, they do not consider this, and their husbands rush to turn away from them.
Whoever wants to have a child and fulfill his marriage, let him choose the one to be married, if he is a wife, then let him look at her, and if she falls in love with him, let him marry her, and let him see how she falls into himself, because the sign of her love being attached to the heart is that he does not turn away from it, and if he turns away, the heart is anxious about seeking the look, and this is the goal.
Without it, there are ranks based on their quantities, and the purposes will be achieved.
If it is a slave girl who is being bought, let him look at her more carefully than that, and whoever is able to talk to a woman or talk to her in a way that requires warning, then let him see that from her, for beauty is in the mouth and eyes.
Ahmad stated: It is permissible for a man to see what is private in the woman he wants to marry, referring to what is beyond the face.
Whoever is able to delay the marriage contract or buy a slave girl to see how his heart is anxious, it is not hidden from the wise person that the soul is anxious for the new, and its yearning for the sake of love, so if he sees that the anxiety of love is older. For Muhammad bin Abdul Baqi told us, he said: Hamad bin Ahmed told us, he said: Abu Naim told us, he said: Sulaiman bin Ahmad told us, he said: Abdul Jabbar bin Abi Amer told us, he said: my father told me, he said: Khalid bin Salam told us, he said: Ata al-Khorasani told us, he said: It is written in the Torah that every marriage against one’s desire is regret and remorse until the Day of Resurrection.
Then the one who chooses should look into morals, for they are hidden, and if the image is devoid of meaning, it is like the green of a dung.
Having a child is intended, and freeing oneself from caring about the desires it has achieved is a great principle, necessitating the heart’s dedication to tasks.
Whoever finishes the incidental tasks begins the original tasks.
This is why it says in the hadith: A judge should not judge between two people while he is angry.
If dinner is ready and you prepare dinner, start with dinner.
Whoever is able to find a woman who is good in appearance and meaning, let him ignore her faults, and let her strive to please him without getting bored or forgetting.
With the caution I have recommended, companionship will last, and singing will be more effective than others.
If he is able to increase it and adds something else to it, knowing that by doing so he will achieve the goal that will empty his heart more, his condition will be better.
If he fears the existence of jealousy that will distract the heart whose resolve we have taken care to gather, or he fears the presence of an desirable thing that will distract his heart from mentioning the afterlife, or demands from him something that would necessitate his departure from piety, then it is considered one.
What I have recommended is that chastity is excluded from what is recommended. Let the one who finds them go to great lengths to protect and cover them.
If he finds something that he is not satisfied with, he hasten to replace it, then it is the reason for consummation, and if he is able to limit himself to one, it is better to limit it to one, and if it is for the purpose, he will be satisfied, and if it is not, he will replace it, and marrying the beloved woman expels the accumulated water, so it requires the child to be born and completed, and the fulfillment of the sexual intercourse with its completion.
Whoever fears the presence of jealousy should keep his concubines, as they are less jealous, and looking after them is more important than looking after wives.
There was a group that could gather, and the women were patient. David, peace and blessings be upon him, had a hundred wives, and Solomon, peace and blessings be upon him, had a thousand wives. He knew the condition of our Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, and his companions. The Commander of the Faithful Ali, may God be pleased with him, had four free women and seventeen concubines, and his son Al-Hasan, may God be pleased with him, married about four hundred, and other things that would be too long to mention.
Understand what I have indicated and you will achieve it, God willing.
