Salam aleikum Sheikh I have a problem i need advice with . Im married and we have 3 children (8,6 and 4 years old) the 2 oldest are boys and have their own room . The youngest is a girl and sleep with us on a madrass next to our nog bed. On weekends and hollidays and sometimes weekdays too my husband lets the 2 oldest children sleep in our room with him in bed and im forced to sleep on madrass with our youngest . Sometimes i have even been forced to leave room and sleep in other room bcz their isent enough place .I Think this is a ridiculus behavour and have talked many times with him but he just say in front of boys that he decise not me and he pays bills in the Home not me . Same when we go with car. I can Only sit in front seat when he decise Most of time imforced sit in the back and one of children sit in front sit. I told him no other families live like this but he dosent care . Anybody i asked about this become chock and Think its crazy behavour of my husband and i really feel like im not his wife. I feel im like a dog who he treats bad and abuses i feel i dont have any place in this family . Also hisbehavour influence my 2 sons they speak and treat me just like he does . They threaten to hit me and say this is not yr Home . Our dad works and pay not u and when they behave and talk like this my husband get happy . Im planing to seek khule and just move away from them all bcz i cant take it anymore. My husband Only comes to me when he want sex and im Only somebody who cleans and cooks and take care of children nothing else . I cry every day bcz of this .im not a wife im treated like a dog and even thou children repeat his behavour he still denies it and say they treat me bad bcz im bad person. He teach them to respect his mom but to treat me bad. His mom has more right over my children than me and i feel im not their mom i dont have right over them. Please answer naseeha in private
Answer:
All perfect praise be to Allah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allah, and that Muhammad, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, is His slave and Messenger.
In Islam, the husband is ordained to have good marital relations with his wife and treat her well.
Allah Says (what means): {And live with them in kindness.} [Quran 4:19]
As-Saadi said about the interpretation of the above verse:
“The husband must be kind to his wife; he must keep good company with her, avoid harming her, be generous to her, and treat her well.” [End of quote]
The Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said: “Treat your wives with kindness.” [Al-Bukhaari and Muslim]
Hence, the behavior of your husband, which you have mentioned –if it is true –is incompatible with these teachings mentioned in the Quran and in the Hadeeth of the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam.
The most serious thing that you mentioned about him is the fact that he mistreats you in front of your children, as this may influence them and lead them to sever ties with you. It is strange that he urges them to be kind to his mother.
In any case, we recommend you to be patient with him and advise him in a good and gentle manner. You should also supplicate Allah to reform him and bring him back to consciousness.
If he becomes righteous, then this is what is required; otherwise, you have the right to ask for divorce if you are harmed by his ill-treatment.
If you are not harmed by his ill-treatment but you hate to stay with him, and you fear to be negligent about his right, then you also have the right to ask him for Khul’.
For more benefit on the reasons for seeking divorce or Khul’, please refer to Fataawa 131953 and 90676.
However, it should be noted that it is more appropriate not to ask for divorce or Khul’ as much as possible, because separation between the spouses may have many disadvantages, especially on the children.
With regard to the children, try to be firm with them while at the same time being compassionate and merciful with them.
Strive and make every trick in order to influence them and win their heart especially as they are still young. Teach them what a mother means, and her right upon the children that they must be kind and dutiful to her. You should clarify to them the seriousness of severing ties with you and disobeying you, so that they will grow up on the correct understanding and avoid growing up while severing ties with you.
Allah knows best.